Meeting my son soon!

In less than 24 hours my son will be here! At the last growth scan it was determined that he ran the risks of something called shoulder dystocia, which means if I tried to deliver vaginally, there was a good chance he could get stuck at the shoulders. This becomes an emergency situation within minutes. It was decided that the safest option for both he and I would be to schedule a c-section. I obviously don't love the idea of surgery but I will do whatever is necessary to get him here safe. I'm glad I never had my heart set on a birth plan after finding out I no longer qualified for a water birth (thanks to gestational diabetes). I feel like I would've taken the news of a cesarean much worse. My feelings of excitement leading up to his birthday are being overshadowed by my own fears and anxiety. I think what is messing with me the most is being wheeled into the same operating room, with the same Doctor where I had my 2 D&Cs and believing that I will get to leave that room with a baby this time. It's also the fear of the unknown..I'm nervous about having an incision to take care of, having to take it easy, the long recovery and being awake while I'm getting the procedure done. I've had two appointments with my counselor since scheduling the cesarean because I can't get over the fear of something going wrong. It's such a shitty feeling feeling like you're counting down the days to your death rather than what is the best day of your life. I find myself making sure my husband knows where all the passwords to our online accounts are and making sure he knows where my life insurance policies are located and tying up any loose ends in case I don't make it. Then it's a whole different battle feeling like because I'm thinking this way that I will jinx myself. Anxiety is an ugly, ugly thing and I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I'm trying my very hardest to put my fears aside and tell myself that this is our time and after over 5 years of struggling with infertility and pregnancy loss, we deserve this and things will work out. I'm genuinely going to miss being pregnant and feeling him kick and wiggle inside but I can't wait to see his precious face that is the perfect mixture of my husband and I. I will update as soon as I can after we BOTH make it through delivery!!


Love,
Ashley

My experience with Gestational Diabetes

So as you can tell by the post title, I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes this pregnancy. Although it didn't come as a huge shock to me, thanks to PCOS and family history, I still took the news REALLY hard. I was diagnosed right around 29 weeks and it took me several weeks to come to terms with it. I had a lot of self guilt, like if I would've done something differently I could've changed the outcome. The one hour glucose test wasn't that bad, people blow that shit way out of proportion. However, the 3 hour test wasn't the most fun I've ever had. Although the 100g sugar drink was nasty, the worst part was having to sit there hour after hour after hour with an empty stomach; but I somehow survived. The day of my 3 hour test, before I even got home, the nurse called and told me I failed. The next week I went in and met with a nutritionist and learned how to use my meter, which wasn't foreign to me as I previously mentioned, family history with diabetes. I had about two weeks that I felt like I had pretty good control over my numbers with diet alone. However, my Doctor is VERY strict and wanted my fasting levels below 95 and mine ranged from 92-102 so he said I needed intervention. I cried in his office, telling him I could do better but he explained that this is all about hormones and nothing I do or don't do will change things. He gave me the option of Glyburide or Metformin. I am NOT a medication person at all and when I HAVE to go on meds, I do an obscene amount of research. I heard people got horrible digestive upset (to put it nicely) with Metformin, so I decided on Glyburide. My Doctor told me to start 5mg each day with breakfast. My first day on it my sugar level quickly dropped to a very low 44 within just 2 1/2 hours of breakfast and the entire day was a constant battle trying to keep my numbers high enough to not pass out, have a headache, feel shaky or sick. I called his office once that day and the following and said I felt like my dosage was too high, he told me he wasn't willing to make a change until we see several days of trends. Well about 4 days went by and I was literally eating candy and crap food just to constantly have sugar and carbs in me. He finally agreed to drop my dosage in half, which still didn't seem to work for me. FINALLY at my next appointment, he agreed that the Glyburide was not a good option for me, as I had one of the only adverse reactions he has ever experienced in his practice (I swear I'm always that 1%)!! He suggested I go to insulin next. I was not looking forward to taking shots but I knew this was best for my son, this isn't about me and my comfort level. He wanted me to start at 5 units of insulin at night and 10 in the morning. I told him I'd like to start at 5 at night and 5 in the morning as I have great numbers throughout the day and he was receptive to it. I've now been on insulin for roughly 4 weeks now and I'm still taking 5 units in the morning but my nighttime dosage was upped to 8 because my fasting numbers were still in the upper 90s and so far this seems to be a perfect combination to keep all my numbers under control. The amount I'm on is actually considered on the lower end as far as dosage goes, many women have increases every week and can be on as much as 100 units a day so for that, I'm very grateful. I definitely don't have the sugar crashes like I did on Glyburide because the insulin I'm on is long lasting so it slowly releases after I take it, over several hours. The only bad "side effect" (if you can even call it that) is bruising on my sides from the shots, which isn't even a big deal. Overall, gestational diabetes sucks...let's be honest but it's not the end of the world and it's completely manageable once you figure out the best treatment plan for you!

Second trimester recap

Today I am 29w4d and officially in my THIRD trimester (WHAT?!?). Just like my first trimester, there isn't a ton I would complain about. The worst part has been round ligament pain...some days are better than others but if I take it easy and wear my support belt, it isn't too terrible. I'm definitely noticing that I'm pretty exhausted physically and mentally by late afternoon and it's becoming increasingly harder to breathe some days (especially when it's hot and humid)! I finally started to feel movement around 23 weeks..thanks to an anterior placenta! It was crazy...it went from not feeling anything one day, to being able to see and feel it from the outside the very next. We started work on the nursery a few weeks ago (pictures to come) and painted, installed carpet and have slowly been purchasing the furniture and decor, I'd give it another 2-3 weeks and  hopefully it will be all done! On another note, in regards to my anxiety...I found that although hitting the 24 week viability point was a little bit of a relief...it wasn't what I would've expected. I was thinking I would feel this 50 lb. weight off my shoulders but in reality I'm still so scared I could lose this little guy, so I cherish every moment. Here's some stats to sum up what the second trimester looked like for me....


Weight gained/lost: +9 (making a total gain of 2 lbs this pregnancy)
Symptoms: round ligament pain, frequent urination, difficulty sleeping some nights
Cravings: mexican food, grilled veggies like yellow squash and zucchini 
Aversions: I still haven't touched a noodle since February! I'm wondering if I'll ever eat them again! haha


That's about it for my update...I'll have more to update in the coming weeks, the first week or so of the third trimester has been eventful. Stay tuned! 

Ashley 

Anatomy Scan

Greetings!! We had our 20 week anatomy scan last Friday 5/27 and it couldn't have gone better!! I still find myself dreading appointments and ultrasounds because I'm still expecting something to go wrong, it all just seems too easy...we went through almost 5 years of infertility, recurrent pregnancy loss, d&c surgeries, methotrexate injections and now out of the blue we have a perfect, healthy baby and we did NOTHING different than previous pregnancies. I'm just so scared. At our ultrasound, we got confirmation again that it's a boy...he's definitely not shy about his manhood. However, the little stinker wouldn't let us get a good look at his face. He's the cutest little thing I've ever laid my eyes on! Even though I still can't really feel it, he was kicking his legs like a little karate kid. After our ultrasound the Doctor came in and said he looked just perfect, all organs are there and working properly. He's measuring in the 75th percentile and has no markers for things like down syndrome and turners syndrome. If I think about it too much, I cry. I'm just so thankful, grateful and feeling so insanely blessed that this miracle decided we get to be his parents. We are so in love with him already and counting down the days to his arrival!

It's a.....

BOY!!!!!! I had a feeling from very early on that we had a little boy brewing just based on the old wives tales and symptoms. The ultrasound place we went to was amazing, a HUGE screen and we got to see our little guy playing with his toes and sucking his thumb. I am totally, completely in love with our son!!

First trimester recap

I can't believe it! I'm 13 weeks today and officially in my second trimester!! Overall, I can't complain too much about my first trimester. I just feel grateful to have made it this far and can't wait to meet our little one in about six months. I still haven't purchased anything, or even thought about getting a nursery ready..mostly because I'm waiting to hit the magical 24 week viability point...I guess that's another thing infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss does to a person. Not that I feel like buying something will jinx me, but if something does go wrong, I don't want to have to pack baby clothes away, or walk past an empty nursery. Here's some stats to sum up what the first trimester looked like for me...

Total weight gained/lost : -7 lbs. 
Symptoms: sore boobs, waves of nausea (only during weeks 7 & 8), BAD headaches (weeks 9-12), mild fatigue, hunger.
Cravings: Bagels and cream cheese, beef, spicy food
Aversions: Noodles


That's about it, nothing too terrible. The scariest moment was at 11w1d when I went to use the restroom and discovered I was bleeding bright red. I know this can be somewhat common, but in all my pregnancies, I've never had it happen to me so I was incredibly panicked. To make things worse, my husband had left that morning to go out of state for work. I immediately called my doctor and we discovered I had a subchorionic hematoma (http://www.whattoexpect.com/pregnancy/pregnancy-health/complications/subchorionic-bleeding.aspx) which only happens in about 1% of pregnancies (go figure). Generally, it doesn't pose a threat, and clears up on it's own. I haven't had any bleeding since, but in that moment, I thought it was all over...thank god everything is okay.

On a positive note, we made the official announcement on our social media pages and everyone was so thrilled for us. This is the first time we shared any of our pregnancies and it felt so nice to not feel like we weren't in hiding anymore!

That's about it, we have an early ultrasound set up in TWO WEEKS to find out the gender so I will be sure to come on and make a post about that right away!


Thank you for the support as always.

xoxo,
Ashley

First ultrasound anxiety

Well on Monday, Feb. 22 we went in for our very first ultrasound with this pregnancy. If you've been following our journey for a while you know that all of our miscarriages were considered "missed miscarriages" which means I had no signs of losing the babies, it was during the first ultrasound every time that we discovered the pregnancies were not viable. I don't know that my heart rate has ever been higher than it was in that waiting room. We walked into the room, where I had so many bad memories and discovered we had an adorable, healthy, perfect baby with a heart rate of 129! I will never ever forget that moment. I never thought we would be lucky enough to experience that. Today I am currently 7w3d and feeling so-so. I have a hard time figuring out what I want to eat and most of the day I'm nauseous off and on. That's perfectly fine, I'll take that in exchange for my sweet bub any day! We are still very cautiously optimistic but I'm trying to just let myself get completely excited and let go of all the worry. Easier said than done. For now, here's a few pictures of our perfect miracle!