Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Sad Update..

Again, I apologize it's been so long since I've last updated. The last several weeks have been the happiest and most devastating of my life. My last post was all about how I would be starting my 2nd round of Provera and Femara. The morning of Thursday, Oct. 30 I took a home pregnancy test, for the sole purpose of ruling out a pregnancy before I began taking my medication again that night. To my utter delight, it was positive! For the first time in our TTC journey, I actually got a positive! I just started yelling and crying and burst into the bedroom and woke my husband up and we just cried and hugged for probably 10 minutes! I have never been so happy in my entire life. On my way to work, I called the doctors office and told them my exciting news, to my surprise all the nurse said I had to do was set up my first 2 prenatal appointments, the first would be Wednesday, Nov. 26..just a bunch of testing and information and my next would be Friday, Dec. 5. I asked if I needed to come in for blood work and she said that HPTs are 99.9% accurate so it wasn't necessary. I hung up the phone, talked to my husband and we both were not satisfied with that! We had been trying for over 3 years, I wanted to know all my levels! I called the doctors office back and basically demanded to get a blood test and after the nurse got approval from my doctor, we went that evening...the next day, I found out my hcg was 148 and my progesterone was 21.5! I was officially pregnant. We told my parents and my husbands mom that weekend and everyone was so excited. I went in for my second beta that next Monday and it was 577. My levels were progressing exactly as they should be. Over the next few weeks, I was definitely starting to FEEL pregnant....sore boobs, extreme tiredness and morning sickness all kicked in. I ended up taking 50 mg vitamin b6 and 1/2 unisom tablet twice a day to combat the nausea so I didn't have to miss any work and it worked wonders! My doctor estimated my due date as June 30, 2015. This entire time, I was quite frustrated with my doctors office...I felt they were very "hands off" about everything. We tried to conceive for so long and had a medicated cycle and they weren't going to be doing my first ultrasound until my 2nd prenatal appointment which is when I was 10w4d. I tried to express my fears and concerns to the nurse but she said my blood work was perfect, I had no history of miscarriage and I wasn't bleeding or cramping so everything was going as smooth as can be. Fast forward to Friday, Dec 5...my husband and I both took off work and we were so thrilled to see and hear our baby's heartbeat for the first time. My doctor said he suspected twins because of the medicated cycle and had the nurse get the portable ultrasound machine into the exam room. The screen wasn't facing me but my doctor was silent. He said it was definitely twins but that he wasn't seeing what he wanted to. He shut the machine off and said he would send me to a different room to get an internal ultrasound but wanted to prepare us that it appears this isn't a viable pregnancy. My heart dropped and my husband and I just sat in the exam room and cried. We went into the other ultrasound room and just saw two empty gestational sacs. My doctor suspected a blighted ovum and suggested I schedule a D&C because it could be weeks to pass the tissue naturally. I wanted the weekend to think about it. Aside from all the anger and sadness of losing my babies, I had NEVER had any kind of surgery before. I decided Monday morning (Dec. 8) that I needed to go ahead with the D&C so that I could begin my physical and emotional healing. On Tuesday, Dec. 9 at exactly 11 weeks, I went in for surgery at 7:15 AM. I slept maybe an hour the night before, I was scared sh**less. The surgery was quick, I was awake less than an hour after receiving the anesthesia. I stayed in the recovery room for a few hours and went home later that morning. I will make another post discussing my D&C experience, from what I read online, I feel like I had a rougher recovery than most. As I type this, it's now exactly three weeks after the surgery and emotionally I'm doing as good as I can be. I have an appointment with my doctor next Monday to discuss what pathology found with the tissue as well as discussing the next step in our TTC journey. He's thinking we can start trying again as early as 4 weeks, but I know I won't be ready by then. The silver lining is that I was able to get pregnant, and that is great but I don't know if I could handle another loss like this, I now know what it's like to physically feel your heart breaking. I just don't understand why this is happening to us, we are good people and would make great parents. Life is far from fair sometimes. I will update again after my next appointment.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Round 2

Here we go again!! My first cycle with Femara was unsuccessful. Currently, I'm on CD37 and AF hasn't made her grand appearance yet so I will be starting Provera again tomorrow. Hopefully it won't take 11 days after my last pill to start AF again but we will see. I will be doing Femara again on CD5-9 only this time I will be taking (3) 2.5 mg. pills instead of 2. On CD21 I will have my progesterone checked and they will be able to determine if I ovulated because my doctor still believes I didn't with this past cycle. I'm bummed that it didn't work the first round, but I'm optimistic for the second. That's all for now.

Baby dust to all!


Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Tuesday Tea #3

Good Tuesday Morning everyone! Today's post will be quite short as I only made one tea related purchase this past week. Teavana has finally released a few more holiday blends! I was elated to see the White Chocolate Peppermint Rooibos Tea. I was able to take advantage of a free shipping offer that Teavana had this past weekend and purchased 6 oz. of the tea, along with another tin. It's expected to arrive this Friday and I can't wait! I'm also debating purchasing another Perfectea Maker so I can have one here at work. That's all for today, let me know what you've been drinking and loving and I'll talk to you soon!


Ashley

Saturday, October 25, 2014

8 TTC Essentials

Happy Saturday! For today's post, I thought I would share some of my TTC Essentials. A few of these products I've mentioned in previous posts but I figured I would put everything together so if you're about to embark on this crazy TTC journey you can pick and choose what will work for you!

1. Wondfo Ovulation Tests  - These "cheapie" ovulation tests are a godsend. If you end up TTCing as long as I have (I pray you don't) these will save you a TON of money! Added bonus: they usually come with a few pregnancy tests too, depending on exactly where you buy them.

2. Clearblue Digital Ovulation Tests - These tests are a bit more expensive, but also more accurate. I recommend these when/if you start medicated cycles.

3. Disposable Plastic Cups - Taking all those tests, you'll need something to pee into! Nothing fancy, these come in bulk and they're cheap.

4. Planner/Journal - I highly recommend a journal/notebook/planner of some sort. You don't need to spend $50 like I did on an Erin Condren planner but I purchased mine with the intention of keeping track of my day to day schedule. It wasn't until after I received it that I found it worked great for keeping track of my ovulation tests, doctors appointments, cycle days, symptoms and prescriptions. It's also great to look back and compare older tests.

5. Period Calendar App - I love this app! It will keep track of how long your cycle is, when you're most fertile and you can add details like how heavy your flow is and when you baby dance.

6. Rice Heating Pad - Whether it be menstrual cramps or cramps from fertility meds, a great heating pad is a must! This adorable shop on Etsy has the cutest designs and can even make Lavender or Eucalyptus scented pads.

7. Vitafusion Prenatal Gummy Vitamins - Prenatal vitamins are important to take, even before that BFP. Studies show if you take 400 mcg of folic acid daily at least one month before conception, you can cut neural tube defects down by as much as 70%. These vitamins taste great and are very reasonably priced.

8. Peppermint Tea - This has been a huge help when I've had bouts of nausea. I love peppermint and ginger to calm my stomach but most of the products I find are jam packed with sugar. This tea is caffeine free and organic.


Well that completes my list of the top 8 TTC essentials! Let me know what your must have products are!

Have a great weekend everyone!

Ashley

Thursday, October 23, 2014

My TTC Journey in a nutshell





Loading Ticker...


If you'd like to make a ticker of your own, go HERE

CD31/8DPO?

Hi everyone! I'm currently on CD31 and 8DPO(?). I couldn't stand the anticipation anymore, so I took a cheap HPT this morning and it was negative. I'm going to try and hold out until Saturday and test again. I called my Doctor earlier this week and talked about what was going on and he thinks that I did not ovulate and that the cheaper internet test was a false positive on CD22. So the next plan of action is if I still get a negative HPT on Monday morning I will get another prescription filled for Provera (If AF doesn't start by then...which let's be real, IT WON'T) and also take Femara on CD5-9 again. It also sounds like this second cycle I will be doing a trigger shot somewhere around CD20. I'm still holding out hope that he's wrong and I did in fact ovulate and will get a BFP this weekend but throughout this TTC journey, I've learned that it's more important to be realistic. I've gotten by hopes up too many times, only to be disappointed. I'm not going to lie, I was hoping I would be one of the lucky ones to get pregnant on my first medicated cycle. I just hope and pray this second round works. My Doctor already said before I began my first medicated cycle that I'm only able to do three rounds of Femara total and if it doesn't work the next few steps will be a Laparoscopy for me, semen analysis for my husband, followed by IUI and eventually IVF. It feels like we're getting closer and closer to the end of the road, but I can't think about that. I have two rounds of Femara left and I need to stay positive! I'm not looking forward to the Femara headaches again and any/all side effects from the trigger shot (thanks google) but in the end, it will be worth it! I'll update you again on Monday...fingers crossed for a BFP!!!


 Baby dust to all!

Ashley

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Tuesday Tea #2

Happy Tuesday everyone. This past weekend, I did some much needed shopping at Teavana and here are all of my choices:


Wild Orange Wulong Oolong Tea - I've tried the Wild Orange Blossom Herbal and loved it and this one is very similar so I purchased 6 oz.

Dosha Chai Rooibos Tea -This is an ALL time favorite of mine, so I stocked up with 8 oz.

Honeybush Vanilla Herbal Tea - This is another favorite, so I purchased 6 oz.

S'mores Oolong Tea - If I had to pick, this is probably my least favorite. I wasn't sure if I would like it so I only picked up 2 oz.

Perfectea Rock Sugar - I tried the rock sugar in a sample when I made an online purchase and it adds such a nice sweetness without being overpowering, so I purchased 2 lbs and in doing so, I was able to save 10% off each tea purchase. 


My teas were starting to take over my counter tops so I dedicated a drawer in my kitchen to hold all of my latest obsessions.




Let me know if you have any questions or if you're looking for recommendations. Have a great week!!

xoxo,
Ashley


Thursday, October 16, 2014

CD24

Good morning everyone. I'm having a rough day...and it isn't even 10 AM here yet. I'm positive and hopeful most of the time but damn, when I'm feeling down...I feel so far down. I hate being on this infertility roller coaster. I feel like I have nobody to talk to because other than the amazing ladies I socialize with on YouTube, nobody I know personally has experienced or understands infertility to it's full extent. My husband tries, bless his heart but even he doesn't understand the utter agony I feel all the time. When I do try and talk to friends or family about it, I legitimately feel like a crazy person describing all of my emotions. I can break out into a full blown sob at any minute, every day. I'm second guessing my positive OPK the other day because the Clearblue digital I was using never gave any indication of ovulation. It's as if I can physically feel my heart breaking. I wouldn't wish this kind of pain on my worst enemy. That's all for today...I need to get myself in check, do something that makes me happy and try to get out of this rut.







Tuesday, October 14, 2014

OMG!!!

I'm on CD22 and I'm pretty certain I've gotten my FIRST POSITIVE OPK!!!! I've been using the Clearblue Digital Ovulation Tests every morning and the cheapie Wondfo Ovulation Tests during my lunch break. My digital test this morning definitely had a darker line than the last few days but it still didn't set off the smiley face (indication for ovulation). However, when I took the test on my lunch break, I saw the darkest test line I've EVER had! I've waited 3 years, 17 days for this! I will attach a few pictures to get your input. The camera on my phone isn't the greatest, but you get the idea! I'm on cloud 9 right now!



Tuesday Tea

Hi everyone! This is the start of my new weekly series called "Tuesday Tea." Here I will share what new teas I've been loving and any new "tools" that I would recommend. I wanted to make small changes to what I was eating/drinking during my TTC journey to be just a little bit healthier. About eight months ago I gave up soda and coffee. I never consumed a ton but on average 2-3 cups of coffee a day and one soda. It was definitely difficult at first, especially dealing with caffeine headaches! I found it challenging to find things to drink other than water. Recently, I started doing more research on caffeine free teas and decided to give it a try. My first few purchases included: Sleepytime Kids Goodnight Grape, Peppermint and Tazo Passion Tea. I found I don't care for the fruit teas very much at all. My next step a few weeks later was a trip to Teavana, which was about 45 minutes away. I was so impressed with the customer service associate that helped me. I told her my likes/dislikes and that I preferred caffeine free teas. The associate was so knowledgeable and directed me towards three of her recommendations (all of which I purchased!). My absolute favorite purchase was the Dosha Chai Rooibos. I am also really enjoying the Honeybush Vanilla Herbal. My least favorite of my purchases is the Zingiber Ginger Coconut Rooibos, it smells amazing but there's just something I don't love about the taste. I also ordered the Teavana Perfectea Tea Maker prior to going to the store and that arrived just a few days later. I only purchased 2 oz. of each tea so I could get a good idea of what I like. I plan on going back to Teavana this weekend to try a few more. I would also like to try Fava Tea Company which is near Teavana. I'll let you know all about my purchases in my post next Tuesday!

Ashley


Monday, October 13, 2014

CD21

Good morning everyone! I'm currently on CD21, still haven't gotten a positive OPK but I swear that second line is getting just a little bit darker each day! I hope you all had a fantastic weekend. We were blessed with some amazing weather this weekend, so I tried to get out as much as possible. We picked up a new couch this weekend and I love being able to lay down and cuddle with my hubby and pooches again (all we had before was 2 recliners..that lasted about a year). My beloved Green Bay Packers also won in a nail biter of a game on Sunday! Overall, it was wonderful. I'm already looking forward to next weekend, I've taken a vacation day from work on Friday and we are headed out of town and enjoying the fall foliage! I'm going to start a special weekly blog post tomorrow called Tuesday Tea. Here, I will be sharing my favorite tea "tools" and what I've been drinking/obsessing over! See you tomorrow!


Have a great Monday!
Ashley

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Headaches...you suck!

Good morning everyone! I'm here to talk about...HEADACHES! Now I know I mentioned in a previous blog post that I've dealt with headaches most of my life. Starting in middle school I started getting really bad migraines. For quite a while, my parents and physician were pretty concerned about it. I went though a TON of testing, including a CAT scan to rule out a tumor and thankfully everything came back fine. I then proceeded to go on a variety of medications throughout middle school and high school including...Imitrex, Maxalt and finally it seemed like Propranolol worked the best (and was the most reasonably priced). I must say, those are some pretty intense prescriptions for a teenager and even at that age I always struggled with taking pills. Propranolol seemed to work for a couple of years but one day I just decided to stop taking it to see what happened, I was sick of taking a pill everyday. Luckily, I seemed to do okay off the medication. I still got the occasional headache but through more holistic healing, I managed. Fast forward to infertility medications...these are some of the nastiest headaches I've had in several years. It doesn't help that I work in the automotive industry so I'm constantly hearing loud noises throughout my work day. I've had this nasty migraine that started Sunday evening and just keeps hanging on. On another note, it's CD15 and I got another negative OPK this morning. I was on YouTube yesterday watching a ton of older videos of the people I'm already subscribed to and it seems fairly common on Femara to not get a positive OPK until CD22-28 so I'm still very hopeful! I've decided if nothing has happened by CD30, I will contact my doctor and figure out our next plan of action. Originally, I was going to do 3 rounds of Provera and Femara but if I'm still not ovulating, I'm wondering if there's a blockage of some sort. We'll see, I'm not going to get bent out of shape about it at this point. I hope you all have an amazing day! I will leave you with some of my favorite infertility Ecards that help me smile on days like today and make getting through this roller coaster of a journey a little bit easier!

xoxo,
Ashley

Ok, so I've never deleted someone on my FB for this...but I may have thought about it...DON'T JUDGE ME!




Monday, October 6, 2014

CD14

Happy Monday everyone! I'm currently on cycle day 14. Not a whole lot of news to report, I'm still patiently (kind of ) waiting for my first positive OPK! I had a pretty relaxed weekend; did some shopping at Teavana, Sams club and had a nice dinner out. Also we've been on the hunt for a new couch for our living room for several months now and I've had what I wanted pictured in my mind but just wasn't finding it anywhere and I finally did! We had a large microfiber sectional for several years and unfortunately it was chewed up by our puppy about 2 years ago. We decided since we had this giant piece of furniture for so long we would go more simple so we purchased a small table and put a leather recliner chair on each side of it and as nice as it is, I just miss having the extra seating. I'm hoping by the end of the month we'll have the extra money set aside to purchase it. Sunday is usually my catch up day for housework, so aside from watching a few NFL games my day was pretty uneventful. I hope you all had a wonderful weekend. I will keep you posted in the coming days!


xoxo,
Ashley



Thursday, October 2, 2014

TTC Tag!

TTC Tag Questions:

1.  How long have you been TTC?
     Just over 3 years

2. How many kids do you have/want?
    Currently have no children, we would love 1 or 2

3. How old are you and your husband?
    I'm 26 and my husband is 28

4. How long have you been married?
    We've been married a little over 3 years

5. What are some crazy things you do while TTC?
     I don't think I do anything TOO crazy...I just have a lot of OPKs on hand

6. Does your husband know all about the TTC cycle?
    He knows all the basics, it can be hard for the fellas to keep up :) 

7. Have you been diagnosed with any kind of infertility?
    PCOS

8. What keeps you busy in the 2ww?
     I've never had a 2ww

9. What day do you usually ovulate?
     I've never had a positive OPK

10. What gender are you hoping for?
       As cliche as it sounds, I would be overjoyed for any gender..as long as baby is healthy

11. How many pregnancy books do you own?
      Probably 10..but the majority were free/cheap downloads on my kindle

12. How many HPTs do you go through per cycle?
      I still test probably 5x a month, just in case my OPKs were not accurate

13. What have you bought for your baby/pregnancy already?
       Just vitamins, I don't want to purchase too much and jinx it! 

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

CD9

Happy October!! This is absolutely my FAVORITE time of the year! I live in Wisconsin and the fall colors are so vibrant and beautiful. Temperatures this weekend are expected to be in the upper 40s/low 50s which is perfect for the pumpkin patch and hiking in the crisp woods with my hubby and two very energetic dogs.

I'm currently on CD9, tonight will be my last dose of Femara. As I said in my last post, I'm so grateful my symptoms haven't been bad at all. I've heard so many Clomid horror stories so when I started going to this new doctor, I already had decided (after much research) that I wanted to try Femara over Clomid but I was going to see what he had to say first. I was pleasantly surprised when he said he didn't think Clomid was right for me and I would get Femara instead. The first day or two on Femara I had leg pain and headaches. The headaches weren't constant (thank goodness) but when they did come...it was pretty intense. I've always dealt with migraines and tension headaches since junior high, so I can handle it like a pro but at times, it got a little difficult to concentrate at work. However, I'm happy to report that after that second day on Femara, my symptoms have been very mild or non-existent. I'm also starting my OPKs tomorrow. I have probably 150-200 of the cheap internet tests (anyone who has been TTC longer than 3 years won't be shocked by that number) but I also purchased the Clearblue ovulation tests as well. I will be sure to keep you posted over the next few days/weeks! I'm SO ready for my positive OPK. I did the math quick and I've taken upwards of 1,000 ovulation tests over the last 3+ years and I've never gotten a positive! Good things come to those who wait..right?!?


xoxo,
Ashley

PS...I will leave you with some photos of our exquisite Wisconsin autumn! I do not take credit for these images. I feel so fortunate to live in such a beautiful place!





Monday, September 29, 2014

CD7

Hey everyone! I'm currently on cycle day 7. I started Provera on Sept. 3 and took 10 mg for 10 days. I did take it in the evenings just in case I got some of the not so pleasant symptoms. Overall, I really have no major complaints about Provera. I got a lot of menstrual type symptoms (cramping, bloating, break outs, tender breasts) but it wasn't a big deal at all. Generally it should only take 3-7 days after the last pill for your cycle to start...however my body was stubborn. My doctor had me come in for blood work 10 days after my last Provera pill after I still didn't start bleeding. I was definitely panicking at this point (thanks to google and all the horror stories online). I left work at 4 PM that day, made the 25 minute drive to my doctor, got my blood drawn and the VERY NEXT MORNING...my cycle started. I was frustrated/elated all at the same time! I thought if I had only been more patient by about 12 hours, I could've saved myself the worry. Fast forward a few days, I started Femara on Sept. 27. I also opted to take this at night because drowsiness is a pretty common symptom. I take (2) 2.5 mg pills for 5 days total. Again, I feel pretty fortunate that so far I haven't had any horrible symptoms. I have been having headaches off and on and also some leg pain...both of which are common. I feel like no matter what symptoms come by way, it's all for the greater good and it will be so worth it in the end! So hopefully, within the next week or two I will be lucky enough to get my first positive OPK and we can finally conceive this baby we've been praying oh so long for! Baby dust to all!!

Until next time!


I can do all things through him who strengthens me.- Philippians 4:13



Sunday, August 31, 2014

Here we go again..

Hey everyone. Again, I apologize for being a horrible blogger and not updating for months and months! Latest update is...I'm STILL not pregnant! Since my last post, I have yet to get a positive OPK. I didn't have much luck with Provera and I've actually switched Doctors. The Dr. that I was seeing in my town I felt was very passive and hands off and now that we're coming up on 3 years TTC, that's just not what I wanted. So I made the decision to drive the 25 minutes to a different Dr. and I couldn't be happier. My first visit was just a few days ago and he spent a good 45-55 minutes just TALKING to me...about my history, concerns and questions. I had a quick blood test to check my thyroid levels and progesterone. The game plan is, as soon as we get the blood test results back and see where my levels are at, I will be starting 3 rounds of Femara (letrozole). If you aren't familiar with that medication, it's basically used to force ovulation, since I'm not having any luck doing that on my own. I really have a gut feeling this time that we will get pregnant! Wish us luck, cross your fingers, send positive vibes..whatever you believe in that this will work for us!!

Until next time! Love to all!




Friday, February 21, 2014

I'm back!

Wow, I can't believe it's been so long since I've posted...17ish months?!? No great news to report. Like I suspected in my previous blog posts, I was officially diagnosed with PCOS just a few days ago on 2/17. I procrastinated going to the Dr. because I had a gut feeling I would get bad news. Also, my husband switched jobs this past summer so we were without health insurance for about six months. So anyways, PCOS comes with some nasty symptoms...including weight gain, acne and insulin resistance. Because of the insulin resistance I am now a borderline type 2 diabetic..which completely sucks, so aside from seeing a nutritionist to get my diet in check, I need to start monitoring my blood sugar. My father is a type 1 diabetic and my whole life I have seen him struggle with it and to be honest, I'm f***ing scared. My mind has been in a complete whirlwind the last few days. I will be taking Provera for 10 days each month for the next three months to try and get my cycle to come back, this is our first step with infertility treatments. Because of the insulin resistance and problems that may arise from that, I've immediately cut sugar out of my diet and drastically reduced my intake of carbohydrates. I will have another check up/blood test in about three months and we will go from there. As of now, there isn't an exact point that my husband and I have discussed we will stop with treatments, it will really depend how my body reacts to the medications we try and how much of a toll this is going to take emotionally. It's nice to finally have my suspicions confirmed but in a matter of days, I feel like my whole world has been turned upside down. I will do my best to keep updating.

Until next time...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ