Hello old friend...

So my body must HATE Provera. I've only actually taken it once, though it's been prescribed four times. The very first time I was supposed to take it was last February, after AF was absent for over four months. The day before I was supposed to start it, AF appeared naturally. Fast forward to last September, prescribed again and I took it for all 10 days, and AF showed up 11 days later. The third time I was going to start taking it was in late October and that is when I took a pregnancy test before I was to begin taking Provera that evening and it was positive. Now this latest time...AF hadn't appeared 4-6 weeks after my D&C like it was supposed to which I wasn't surprised by since I still had hcg in my system 4 weeks post D&C. My doctor called the prescription in towards the end of last week and I was going to pick it up last night and begin taking it that evening. SURPRISE SURPRISE!! AF showed up yesterday afternoon. So one day shy of 7 weeks after my D&C AF finally showed up. To be honest, I had some mixed emotions, I was happy with my body for letting it happen naturally but it was also yet another sign of not being pregnant anymore. I haven't had a period start even close to on time in over 10 years so I'm crossing my fingers that things will be more regular from here on out. It would be such a relief to get pregnant without medication forcing a period and then forcing ovulation. Hope everyone is having a great beginning to their week, if you're getting hammered by the huge snowstorm out east, stay safe!


-Ashley

A little bit of everything tag!

Good (early) morning everyone! I thought since I've been sad lately and things have been pretty "heavy" on my page, I would do something fun and lighthearted! I actually love doing tags, I think it's a great way to get to know someone. Let's get to the questions!


1. Do you keep up with the Kardashians? Not really. I do like Khloe..I think she's hilarious but as far as the show I'll only tune in if nothing else is on!

2. If you could have an old muscle car which one would you choose? 1960s Chevelle

3. Do you curse like a sailor when nobody is around? Sometimes (usually when I'm driving)...I think everyone has their moments!

4. If your significant other gave you a 'Hall Pass' who would you use it on? Be honest. Definitely not! I couldn't imagine being with anyone else.

5. What is one thing you do that you hate to admit? Over-analyze things and take things too personally.

6. Do you really brush your teeth in the morning and at night? Be honest. NO! But I'm not gross...I promise! I still brush my teeth 2x/day but it's after lunch and before bed. I just can't brush them in the morning...I gag but I do use mouthwash in the morning!

7. What is your go-to drink at Starbucks? It's been several months since I've gone but my go-to drink was always a grande skim iced peppermint white chocolate mocha latte with no whip...that's a mouthful!

8. Is your current hair color your real hair color? No, it might as well be because it's grown out so much but my natural color is a crappy shade of ashy blonde.

9. If you could swap bodies with someone, who would it be and why? Jennifer Lawrence. I think she's pretty and fit without looking unhealthy skinny.

10. Have you read Fifty Shades of Grey? If so, what did you think? No and I don't have much interest...just not my favorite genre of books.

11. Do you crack your knuckles? NO and I can't stand when others do it around me! STOP THE MADNESS!

12. Have you accidentally text messaged someone something you were suppose to be sending to your special someone? Yes, but it wasn't anything filthy. I think it was a boring "what do you want for dinner" question! 

13. Have you ever created a fake profile to creep on someone? No, I'm not a psycho.

14. Which is your weakness- cookies or pastries? I'm a sucker for cookies!

15. What do you love about yourself? I actually love my sense of humor and the amount of compassion that I have for others.

16. Do you have to match your nail polish to your toe nail polish? No, at the moment my fingernails are plain and my toe nails are Julep "Valerie"

17. Tell us a few things about you that people would be surprised to know about you. I started my first after school/weekend job when I was 13, I don't eat ANY type of seafood, my husband and I were originally going to do a courthouse wedding RIGHT after I turned 18 because I was VERY serious about enlisting in the Air Force and we didn't want to be separated.

18. Heels or flats? Flats

19. If you could do anything for one day and money wasn't an option, how would you spend your day? Dream big. Buying a s***load of animal toys, food and beds and going to the local shelter and spending the day spoiling all the cats and dogs that don't have homes.

20. What was the last YouTube video you watched? TheNotSoOrdinaryWife doing this tag!

21. Do you have road rage? Little bit...

22. What is your favorite Rock 'n' Roll song? Whitesnake "Here I go again on my own"

23. Who was your first kiss? Do you still talk to them? Marcus...we are Facebook friends but we don't socialize outside of that.

24. If you could have one YouTuber's closet whose would it be? Jennifer Ross...(organizedjen, myhousewifelife, busybeebuzz) her style is mature yet fun!

25. If you could have one YouTuber's makeup collection, whose would it be? MakeupbyTiffanyD

26. Do you have a nickname? Pumpkin (mom) Stinky (dad) Trashy Ashy (sister)...my family loves me! lol

27. How many cars have you had? What were they? 2! My very first car in 2004 was a 1996 Lumina and I had it for 10 years and currently I drive a 2006 Trailblazer.

29. What's your favorite pizza? Thin crust with mushrooms and onions.

30. If you could only have 1 lipstick for the rest of your life which lipstick would you choose? I don't wear lipstick...but if I picked a chapstick/lip gloss it would be Burts Bees




I TAG ALL OF YOU!!! Have a good weekend!

XOXO,
Ashley

My (detailed) D&C Experience

I've never had any kind of surgery before (not even wisdom teeth) so I had a ton of anxiety because I had no clue what to expect. I knew I didn't have much of a choice, my babies were gone and because my doctor suspected a blighted ovum, it could take weeks to pass the tissue on my own and with every passing day, the risk of infection increases. The hospital I go to is about 20-25 minutes away and I needed to be there at 6 AM the morning of the surgery (Tuesday, Dec. 9). Within 10 minutes of my arrival I had my IV started. I have no problem with needles, but it did burn for about the first 20 minutes. My nurse was amazing...constantly making sure I was comfortable. Next, both my doctor and anesthesiologist came and spoke to me about the procedure and answered any questions that I had. I didn't want any additional medications than what was absolutely required but I ended up having to get something similar to Valium because my heart rate was elevated (130-140s) and if I would've received the anesthesia at those levels, there was a chance my heart rate could crash. I've never had anything like Valium before but I can tell you, I never want it again! My head felt heavy and overall, I felt drunk. Hated it! At 7:15 I was wheeled back to the operating room and again, had the best nurses I could've hoped for. I started crying; it was a mixture of having to say goodbye to my babies and an overwhelming fear that something will go wrong. The nurses handed me kleenex and held my hand and told me everything would be OK as they put the anesthesia into my IV. I woke up in the recovery room about 1/2 hr after the procedure and didn't have the slightest bit of grogginess. Overall, I felt OK, just some discomfort from the breathing tube and catheter. They monitored my vitals for a few minutes and wheeled me back in the room by my husband. After a little while, they wanted to make sure I could keep liquids down...I wasn't really nauseous but my stomach was still in knots from all the nervousness. I had some water, apple juice and a few saltines and was fine. Lastly, after an hour or two they needed to make sure I could use the restroom with no problems. It hurt SO bad! There was just a slight amount of blood but the worst part was the burning pain from the catheter. They told me to drink plenty of fluids when I got home and the more I urinated, the better it would get. We left the hospital at about 10:30 AM and headed home where I spent the rest of the day on the couch, trying to get sleep. The worst (physical) part about that entire first day was the catheter pain..which didn't end up getting better until the next day and battling insomnia. I didn't have much bleeding that first day, I just used a light days pad. The next afternoon is when I started experience cramping and slightly heavier bleeding, but still no more than a pad over an 8 hour time period. I did take one 200 mg ibuprofen that afternoon and still battled insomnia at night. Thursday was identical to Wednesday as far as bleeding, cramping, insomnia and again I managed pain with just one 200 mg. ibuprofen all day. I did decide on Thursday to pack away all the baby buys and positive pregnancy tests that I kept, it was just becoming too difficult to look at everyday. I had a complete crying on the floor, asking god why kind of breakdown. Embarrassing to admit but I'm going to be 100% honest and tell you the good, bad and ugly. Friday is the day I went back to work, I definitely wasn't ready but I ended up not having a choice as my co-worker had a vacation planned weeks in advance (I work at a VERY small business, so it's nearly impossible to run things when 2 employees are gone). On the drive to work that day, I had a small anxiety attack, just not ready to face customers asking where I had been and broke down in tears in the parking lot. I called my husband and he talked me through it and I went in and handled the day like a champ. Overall, Friday I felt really good physically...I kind of thought it would only get better from this point...boy was I wrong! Saturday morning at about 3 AM I woke up with legit, the worst cramps I've EVER felt in my life. I came into the living room and curled up in a ball and just cried. I was SO close to going to the emergency room but I always have a way of convincing myself I can get through the pain. At about 6 AM I finally choked down a nutri-grain bar so that I could take ibuprofen (my stomach is pretty sensitive to them). I ended up taking two and about an hour later the cramps slowly started to subside, still pretty intense but at least it was manageable. TMI ALERT...during this time of severe cramping, I was also passing some pretty large pieces of tissue and clots when I urinated, they ranged from half dollar to golf ball size. I did email my doctor in that time and he said if I wasn't soaking through more than a pad an hour, I was fine. That day was pure hell. Sunday was a LITTLE bit better. I was in a better mood because Saturday night was the first time I slept for more than 4-5 hours in almost a week. I still had cramping, heavier bleeding and passing clots but I just monitored everything closely and ended up being fine. Over the next week, things calmed down a bit. I still had bleeding but the cramping lessened. It took about 18 days after surgery to switch from a pad to pantyliner and for the cramps to completely subside. I did continue to pass some small amounts of clots/tissue up until 16 days after surgery. Another thing to mention is about two weeks after the surgery I started getting REALLY bad headaches and unfortunately that has still continued, I get them an average of 3-4 times per week and at this point I'm just attributing it to hormones. I had a follow up doctors appointment on Monday, Jan 5 and he was slightly concerned that I still had very light bleeding so he ordered a blood test to check my HCG levels and they were still at 5, almost four weeks after surgery. Let me also mention how much it completely sucks to be sitting in a waiting room full of pregnant women when your waiting for your post D&C appointment...even worse, I had to go alone because my husband couldn't get off work. My doctor went over the pathology and all the pregnancy tissue tested out normally and he said if I don't start AF on my own in 2 more weeks, I need to go back on Provera...not what I wanted to hear. He also asked when I thought we might start TTC again and I said I don't know...I'm scared. He told me in his experience, that fear will always be there, regardless of waiting 2 months or 2 years. On the plus side, I would be monitored more closely to put my nerves at ease. Overall, I felt like physically it took a solid 4 weeks to feel "normal" again. I'm still struggling emotionally, I'll have great days where I feel like things are getting better but then out of nowhere I feel SO sad and angry that this happened. I'm so sorry for anyone else that has had to go through a loss. It's so difficult and I hope and pray that someday we all get our take home babies. <3