I've always considered myself an anxious person but I also felt like I had a good grasp on controlling it. I've noticed since my loss, that doesn't seem to be true anymore. My first anxiety attack was the day I went back to work after my D&C and I thought it was a one time thing. Fast forward a few weeks and I noticed I was increasingly more anxious about things that didn't used to bother me in my daily life. Things like driving to work; I felt like everyone was going to blow a stop sign and t-bone me. I would find myself clenching my steering wheel, holding my breath and waiting for impact through every intersection. If someone sneezed around me, or mentioned they were feeling under the weather, I would panic and drench my hands in sanitizer and disinfect every surface around me and brace myself for getting sick. My husband noticed these changes and in an effort to help, he purchased a lush bath bomb for me and sent me to my parents house when they were out of town to relax in their giant jacuzzi tub. That's when I realized this was more than I could handle. I had a scary bad panic attack while in the tub. I got this overwhelming fear that I would pass out and drown (crazy, I know). My face got flushed, I felt hot and dizzy and I could FEEL my heartbeat in my legs and arms. I had also been experiencing chest pain during this time and that wasn't helping my fears of something horrible happening to me. I decided it was time to make an appointment with my family doctor. Surprise, surprise I was diagnosed with anxiety (the chest pain was costochondritis..an annoying but harmless inflammation of the cartilage in my chest). She prescribed hydroxyzine, which is much less scary than medications that are habit forming like xanax, but I have yet to take one and they've been prescribed for about a month now. I. Hate. Medication. In an effort to try a more holistic approach, I've started practicing yoga a few times each week and I also have my first acupuncture appointment scheduled for next Monday. I also looked into seeing a counselor to talk through my anxiety but my super lovely $750/mo health insurance doesn't cover it and the place in my town is $250/hr, which is more than I'm wanting to spend right now. I don't want to blame ALL of this as a result of my miscarriage, because like I said before I've always been an anxious person but on a scale of 0-10, it has gone from a 2-3 to probably 8 since my loss. I guess because I feared a miscarriage from the very beginning of my pregnancy, and it ended up happening, I fear all these other horrible things happening to me. That's all for now, I will update after my first acupuncture appointment next week. I just wanted to share one of the many "side effects" of miscarriage that a lot of people don't always talk about. Thinking of you all <3
Ashley
